I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
