I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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