i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
