and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
