you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This is the high leading the old right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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