My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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