I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
