is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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