I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
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And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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