I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
