I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
