I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
