I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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