just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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