Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
