Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
