I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
