I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The power of my boobs compel you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
