We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
