Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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