i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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