the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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