I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
