we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
