So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
