I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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