If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuck appropriateness.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
