We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
