just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
