she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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