my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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