Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
