Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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