She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
