Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
