I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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