arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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