you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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