I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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