two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
