Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
