Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
