The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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