we made out on top of his cat.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
