Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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