her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
