I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
