i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
These tits shall not be calmed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
