$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
