your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Your tits are I can't wait for
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
