it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
