he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
