she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
