I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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