May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
