4 words: hood of his car
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
