No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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