i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
