this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize