if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
