after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize