I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
