he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
