We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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