party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
A bitchslap is in order.
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