my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This baby is an asshole
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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