i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
