cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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