you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
