eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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