i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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